Free Association #2: Pushing the Panic Button

If the season ended today, you'd expect the Steelers or Broncos to face the Cowboys or Giants in this premature Super Bowl. Ridiculous to say, but certainly not far off from what these players and their fans hope.

On the flip side are teams struggling for any bit of hope. Maybe it's too early to push the panic button, but the intensity of pro football tends to ratchet up the histrionics a notch or two too high. Dire proclamations, sinister warnings, defeated body language.

Plenty teams are in the 0-2 hole. Each reacts differently. To map out this spectrum of early season panic, I pulled out the notebook and started associating freely based on what I know of reactions from players, fans, and the media.

When I visited home over Labor Day, my dad, shit eating grin on his face, handed me a sheet of stickers. I had no idea what he found so funny. I think, more the point, he likes to give me useless shit and watch me struggle to accept it graciously. Here they are after being jammed into my backpack for the flight home:



I have no idea where the Dolphins and Redskins helmets are... The Packers one is already stuck on my laptop. I threw the rest in the corner while unpacking and nearly forgot about them.

Finding them while looking for a nearly empty notebook for this weekend's slate of games, I decided they mights spiff up my second Free Association piece. We spare no expense at Fuhbaw...

Anyway, back to my diagramming. After a few pages of associations, I noticed an odd trend. The reactions ran a gamut not unlike the five stages of grief. Here's what it looks like:



Denial

Dreaming of 2007 - Jaguars and Browns. Both teams are stuck somewhere in their last season success. You know Jacksonville is thinking, "Hey, we beat the Steelers... in the playoffs!" Recline, sip ice tea, repeat. And you know Cleveland is thinking, "Braylon can't keep dropping passes, can he?"

Anger

Chris Henry House (Arrest) Party - Bengals. Does Vegas do odds on which batshit insane Cincinnati receiver will self destruct first?

Bargaining

Anyone But Tarvaris - Vikings. While I stand by what I said on the matter before, undoubtedly the media and fans are singing the same chorus: Minnesota quarterbacked by any decent game manager are a playoff team.

Anyone But Lane - Raiders. The Fire Lane Kiffin movement, membership of two, is apparently reaching the promise land some time soon.

Can We End the Season Today? - Cardinals. Pity Arizona. They've so rarely been front runners. The Cardinals have the division lead. Can they keep it? Will they choke? Is that an if or when question?!!

Depression

WR Graveyard - Seahawks. So tempted... Must. Not. Make. Grunge. Music. And. Flannel. Shirt. Joke... Gahhhh!

Norv Turner's Somber Face - Chargers. You know the one I'm talking about. Norv is undeniably a sharp football mind, but even in his triumphant moments, Turner carries a glumness about him. This depression almost sunk San Diego last year during their slow start. It's going to take more than a Phillip Rivers puppet show to liven up this bunch.

Acceptance

Always Kinda Hated Marc Bulger - Rams. Bulger never made that jump from Pro Bowl stat packer to winner... but we all still feel bad for Torry Holt's twilight years wasted in the Linehan tenure.

Millen Contract Extension - Lions. It hasn't happened yet... but you know it will.